My eyes are getting worse.

I have what some may call an irrational fear of microwaves. Of microwaves frying my ovaries, to be specific. Our microwave is at abdomen-level. I rarely use it, but when I do I linger in our pantry because I (irrationally) think that the waves can't travel sideways.

This is how I discovered a draft coming through the backdoor. I bought a thing to block the draft, but I won't know if it worked until I use the microwave again.

My mom asked if I'll be home on Monday because she's sending a package to me. I sent her a card last week intending to boost her confidence/self-esteem/whatever she's lacking/just to say, "Hey, I suppose I'm here for you and would reckon that I still love you." She cried and was so touched that she bought me something.

So I started sending cards to everyone. Just because.

I just bought two books: Modern Poetry of Pakistan and Best New Poets 2010 (edited by Claudia Emerson). I've been wanting poetry from under-appreciated cultures. I wish I was bilingual. I was starting to learn, but I lost my teacher. Well. I killed him.

Here:

Ghazal: The Luster of a Pearl Is Something Else (by Tanveer Abbasi)

The luster of a pearl is something else
The sparkle of eyes, something else

The depth of the sea is a reality
The heart of a poet, something else

The cooing of a dove is music
The roar of cannons, something else

Clouds change color at twilight
The nuclear cloud is something else

What is in the heart is on the lips as well
The poet's demeanor is something else

The body is a cage for the soul
A cage for the cage, something else

Look at the bloodstains and weep
Whose blood this is, something else

Pure gold shines bright
A smiling face is something else

Gold is good, and so is silver
The heart is something else

Hope is support enough, Tanveer
The fear of pain, something else

So I got hired by an axe murderer

I start training on the 1st for the proofreader position. The company is called Ath Power (pronounced "eighth"). It's a consulting firm that (I believe) deals in "customer experience solutions." I'll be proofreading customer response surveys, or something like that. I don't know.

It's 40 hrs/wk, telecommute. I set my own schedule and work anywhere I want. In 3 months I'll be eligible for health insurance benefits (which I've already paid for through Emerson for the year) and vacation time.

You're probably saying, "That's awesome, Shannon!" Way to go me. And if you're my mom, you're probably telling all your family and friends how "these things just have a way of falling into her lap!"...ignoring the fact that I applied to 14 jobs--ranging from Whole Foods to desk jobs to distributing pamphlets--before getting an interview.

So what's the issue? The guy who hired me--the same guy who will be training me--wants to set up the training at his apartment. (Okay...?) There are 4 proofreaders in all that he's training, 2 of which cannot make the training next week; I will be in PA, so I fall into this awkward category. I have a car; the other girl does not, and that's why I think he's setting it up at his apartment. Proximity to public trans. But still...can't we make other arrangements? Pick her up at the train/bus station? If it wasn't in the early afternoon I'd be more hesitant. He gave us the option to do that or go to the office.

Where is my mixed martial arts training when I need it?!

In other news:

I'm developing a throat thing.

It's chilly. The leaves are pretty. It's windy all the time.

I'm listening to music for what feels like the first time (though may be the second time) since I moved here. All the songs are tied to PA, so I presently have no idea where I am.

Poems are very, very, slowly coming along. So slow I'm verging on disappointed. It's hard pushing this shit out. I never tried writing before when I wasn't "in the mood."

I hope Halloween never comes because as soon as it's over all the Christmas garbage comes out.

Book Fest was neat. The first event I worked was supposed to be two authors discussing their novels. An Israeli man and Palestinian woman. They didn't talk very long about their novels. Fireworks, name calling, and shouts from the audience. Lots of people walked out. Lots of people were angry with the volunteers, wanting to know who organized such a "horrible," "offensive" event. I was surprised that people didn't see that coming. I mean, seriously. It was in the Old South Church sanctuary. Beautiful church. It was all very poetic.

Interesting thing about that church, they accept the LGBT community and even ordain homosexual ministers. Very cool.

I didn't see the justice talks.

School is awesome, but getting hectic. End of the semester and such. I'm looking forward to the break--lots of reading/writing time. Maybe snowboarding.

Casey is awesome. Kind of eats a lot. Poops pretty much all the time. My god.

I read last night that Elizabeth Short, a.k.a the Black Dahlia, lived in my town.

My town really blows. Thank goodness I'm so close to the city and essentially everything that doesn't blow.

4 days till PA.

S'all gravy, baby

> I finally have a job interview. I know nothing about the company. The ad on craigslist just said "a local firm." Normally I stay away from vague ads that say "a local company needs help. Send your resume." But it seems legit. When the guy called he said the name of the company and it sounded like another one I applied for, but later I got an email from THAT company saying they didn't want to pursue me. Imagine my confusion. So I googled the address and it's either an engineering firm or a legal firm.

Anyway, it's a full-time telecommuting proofreading job that would support me very well while staying flexible with school. The guy said that one of their proofreaders is working toward his doctorate in architecture. I feel like I pretty much have it since he said that based on my resume/cover letter I'm what they're looking for and they could be a good fit for me. I also feel that this could be another Vertical Screen experience, minus the cubicle; but I don't care at this point. Just need income.

So...it seems 14-15 applications is what it takes before I get a call back about anything.

> I'm starting today as a volunteer poetry reader for Ploughshares--Emerson's nationally recognized lit journal. (Emerson has a lot of literary outlets, which I LOVE. Temple had...one.) Each genre has it's own batch of volunteer readers that serve as a first-tier screening process for the tens of thousands of submissions they get during their 6 month reading period. (I think poetry alone gets 12,000 submissions.)

Writers that I know/read/admire work on this thing as guest editors. It's amazing. I'm very happy to be somehow apart of it. I'm also happy that I'm finally updating my resume with relevant experience.

> Boston Book Fest is this Saturday. I volunteered to help, then retracted my offer because I didn't feel comfortable(?) doing it for some reason anymore. The intern in charge of the volunteers tried to talk me back into it, but I never got back to her. Figured it was done and I'd just go enjoy the festival as a non-volunteer. A few weeks later I get my volunteer assignment. I guess I was never removed. I took it as a sign from the universe that I need to be involved/get out of the house/network/make friends/whatever else. So I had a pre-fest shift yesterday that was supposed to be from 9-1, but ended up being 9-10:30. We folded shirts. Saturday I'm 9-1 as a line counter. Oooh.

There's a justice lecture I want to see at 3. I think there are 4 speakers, but I'm only interested in seeing Michael Sandel, a Harvard professor that gives the very popular and recently televised justice lectures. I watched a few of them when I lived in PA. Though The Social Network gave me a new level of aversion toward the Ivy League, I'm not above taking what I can get for free.



Then from 4-5 I'm in a free poetry workshop called Poem Generator. Hope it helps. I'm not exactly prolific.

> The Social Network was really good. I hate Harvard, but it was really good. I want to assure the general public that not everyone who goes to Harvard is as good looking as the people in the film. I know, I was disappointed to. But there is no IQ:Hotness ratio. (Though, I believe there is an algorithm for it in the movie.)

> Justin and I went to Salem over the weekend. That was a joke. I feel better about missing this Mardi Gras-esque Halloween bash now, as I highly doubt it will be even remotely that good.



For anyone who has never been, Salem consists of 1 old house, a dozen "museums" that are the size of the average living room and which do not contain actual artifacts, 3 restaurants (the beer selection: Coors Lite, Miller Lite, Bud Lite, Heineken, Sam Adams), no bars, and 1 extremely hazardous bookstore. If interested in experiencing a museum from home, say, the Lizzie Borden "40 Whacks" Museum, search wikipedia for Lizzie Borden. Print it out, tape it on the walls around your living room, and set up a dozen or so antiques that could pass for being hers but that which have nothing to do with her. Also, give yourself $11 for it, $9 if you have your student ID. Presto.

For people who are actually interested in historical accuracy, go to the library instead. Little in Salem has anything to do with the witch trials or Puritan lifestyle. Everything looks like it was bought in the Halloween Outlet. Somehow Salem became the mecca for Wiccans, Warlocks, and people with pointy hat fetishes.



> Thank goodness for Honk Fest saving the day.



> Casey has been waking me up in the middle of the night lately. She flops around on my head and licks my face for an uncomfortable amount of time. I think it verges on (reverse?) bestiality. Apparently I shut her in the closet earlier and neither of us noticed because she fell asleep in there. I'm a bad mom. Anyway, now I need to get up the motivation to go into the city and do some research. I'd rather nap.

> P.S - I didn't take any of these pictures.

I'll preface by saying I'm good. It's almost always cloudy up in MA, which is better than the weather in PA during this time of year--week long rains. It rains every other day, never hard but enough to soak your shoes if you have to walk around the city all day. Now I know why everyone wears rain boots up here.

I'm still unemployed. Really thought I'd have something by now. I've applied for 13 or 14 so far. I'm starting to lose track. On the plus side, the refund from my loan disbursement gives me an extra month to find something before I'm broke. Unfortunately, my projected date of going broke is just before X-mas. Sorry, kids.

School is fine. I like it. I have trouble pushing myself to write, but I'm finally starting to get myself into the right habits. The right mentality. It takes a particularly severe type of devotion to be a poet. I'm learning.

I'm volunteering at the Boston Book Fest next weekend. Free shirt.

I also took a reading test to be a volunteer reader for Ploughshares--Emerson's nationally recognized literary journal. Trying to boost the resume.

Casey seems completely adjusted to indoor life now.

I get restless, but I'm making friends. Surprisingly, I haven't felt very homesick. Maybe not surprisingly. I love it up here. I think I got all my homesickness out before I moved. Very efficient.

I haven't really written anything new, but revised a couple old poems. Trying to write new stuff now. We'll see. I guess it's going alright. I'll post them in the near-to-distant future.

Haven't done laundry in over a month. I'll probably take care of that tomorrow so I can finish putting away my summer clothes. Not looking forward to New England winter. Especially since I left my winter coat in PA. Doh.

I normally love October, but it just doesn't feel right without my buds. The leaves are much prettier up here, however. I guess that's the trade off.

It just feels good to be coming home

Was away in Indiana for a while. Destination wedding. You'll be hard-pressed to find a dish in Seymour, IN that doesn't contain meat (specifically bacon) and/or marshmallows. Feels good to be home in MA with my girl Casey. She won't let me out of her sight. Presently, she's asleep with her face smashed into my knee and her legs wrapped over my thigh. She's perfect.

Still unemployed. Getting incredibly anxious/frustrated about this. See also, extremely upset and increasingly self-deprecating. Adverb adjective.

Making 1- and 3-year plans. Mostly involving contests to enter, places to submit, places to read aloud. Things like goals.

MA passed a law making it illegal to text and drive. Good thing I rarely have a need to drive.

Philadelphia must have started taxing water. Because they taxed my water this morning. My fault for leaving my reusable one in my b/f's jeep. Totally knew I'd do that. I even said, "I'm going to forget this."

My brother gave me my birthday present 6.7 months late. It's a blown up picture of him in Afghanistan, in an armored hummer aiming some sort of gun. Not sure what to do with this.

I traveled through 8 states in 24 hours. I'm fuckin' beat.

"How can you see your life unless you leave it?"

My first week in MA is just about over. Moving day was super stressful, especially with the cat. She HATED it. But we're settling in, and she's returning to some level of normalcy. My first class is tonight. Poetry workshop with John Skoyles. I met him at orientation last week, and he told me that I need to relax.

Here's an update:

+ Orientation was last Thurs from 9-3. Long ass day. But they gave me lunch, and I got to meet a couple girls who I'll have class with. Realized that everyone is in the same I-don't-know-what-I'm-doing-here-how-will-I-pay-for-this-everyone-is-better-than-me boat. Justin wandered the city alone while I was orientating. Bought me a sunflower and lavender massage oil for my feet. +10,000 points.

+ The area I'm in is very cute. Although, if you go a couple blocks east it starts getting industrial and dumpy. But still nicer than Philly's dumpy, industrial blocks. Most of the people who live here are students or young professionals. I noticed that lots of people like jogging up here. Not really my thing.

+ Casey finally let me sleep last night. For the last few nights she's been wandering the apartment between the hours of 1 and 5am crying her little head off, which means I'm up from 1-5 cursing, crying, begging, and threatening to beat the piss out of her. She does this for 2 reasons: these are her peak outside hours (she hasn't been outside in a week...must be torture), and she's looking for my dad and his cats. But FINALLY, after days of begging and desperate praying (which I never do unless I'm desperate and/or sleep deprived) she quieted down and cuddled with my head all night. I think the key is forcing her to wake up and explore the apartment periodically through the day, and a little play time.

+ Oh, I got the blue room. Bigger closet. [Scroll down]

+ First Red Sox game with Justin, thanks to Daniel for the free tickets. Also, witnessed first street fight, with most punches being thrown by a woman. Kind of tough to watch...awkward, little scary, went on for a while which made it more awkward and scary. And I may have been one of two people in a crowd of about 100 looking for police. The streets around Fenway get packed with tens of thousands of people walking to the game and bar-hopping. For those of you who have never been, Fenway is situated in the neighborhood. It's not like Philly where the stadiums are grouped in a complex. So, there's no tailgating at Fenway. There aren't any parking lots. Just a couple $30 garages. Also, the train lets you out at Bed, Bath, & Beyond, so try to follow anyone in Red Sox gear to the stadium.

Anyway, we left around the 5th inning because we were bored and Justin had to get up early to leave. The seats were nice in that they were in right field along the first baseline. Prime foul ball area. But I guess they didn't know how to angle seats in 1912? Because when you faced forward you faced a big wall and absolutely no action. So you had to sit at an angle to see the game, which wasn't exactly comfortable, and you couldn't really see what was happening until it was over. But they were free tickets. I just wanted to check out a new area, and maybe try to steal some Fenway grass for my dad. Oh, and for the first 3 innings we were in the wrong seats.

+ Justin and I learned that when someone tells you that a particular place serves "The best pizza in Boston," you'd better prepare for the worst pizza of your life.

+ Harvard Square is cute, but gets boring fast. I found a second hand shop that sells all designer clothes. Sadly, they are still a tad too expensive for me, being jobless and all. The shoes were cheap, though.

+ MIT/Kendall Square is boring as shit. Seriously, that place blows. However, we watched 2 young Asian boys (presumably freshman, judging by how awkward and lost they were) carry a mini fridge (with microwave inside) from the subway. They eventually stopped because they were so lost, but it was funny and I took video of it.

+ Justin left Sunday, and I've been bumming around since. Haven't left the apartment since then. It's weird. I feel like I'm in Ambler, and I'm waiting for it to sink in that I'm in Mass. Other than being a little bored, I don't feel far away. Though, I couldn't look at pictures of Brian's Welcome Home party because it was sad not being there.

+ I applied for a part time job at Harvard that will pay me a minimum of $26,198. That's for 3 days of work! In a museum gift shop! I'm hoping so bad that I get it. It will make the next two years so much easier. [Pleasepleasepleasegivemethatjob.] I checked the other colleges in the area, but none have anything that I'm qualified to do. A lot of it is science related. It's a very science-y area. I'm not really sure where else to look. I'm trying to find a decent job before I resort to something like retail or food service.

- I have to leave for class early because my printer conveniently ran out of ink without warning. I didn't even get documents that were slowly fading. Just, prints fine, then prints nothing. What the hell.

+ I took pictures/video of a lot of stuff to try and document it all for you. We'll see when I get those up.

+ I'm doing well so far.